As a student in Korea, I have wrote a lot of essays through academies or school homeworks. But, these essays were fixed with the topic; I could not write my own thought or the topic that I want. There are not any topic related with social problems that I am interested in.
Social problems, I am interested, are the results of selfishness and moral corruption. By looking and having interest to these problems, I could change my behaviors and attitudes that might harm the others. One of the major social problems is an isolation. As time pass, people think only for themselves, not taking care of the others. So, many early generations who lives alone, die lonely. This is a result of materialism, which pursue the "money." By these facts, I sincerely thought to have a good relations with others, and concern about the others.
Also, as a writer, I like to relate with the topic with other facts. There might be a danger that I exaggerate the topic as I write down. But, the possibility of this danger is low because it is easy to make sentence that relates two ideas. It is my strength that relates two ideas. It is my strength that relates two ideas. Relating two ideas is my strength to show my wide range of back ground that will give a benefit to me. It is helpful because it will help the readers to remind my essay.
To sum up, I like to write essays that will help me later future. Not only that, I enjoy the feelings when I wrote my thought on the paper. But, there is one thing that harms my essay, grammar. Although, I work hard to improve my grammar, it is still hard to improve the grammar.
Hi Dohyun,
답글삭제I agree grammar is very hard to master, and as a native speaker I've never really had to think hard about English grammar. My Korean grammar, on the other hand, is terrible, and if I were to learn Korean sincerely I'd know what it's like to be one of my students. So I sympathize with your challenges and am available to help you as long as you submit to me a double spaced version on paper of whatever it is you want checked.
I suggest you reread your work thoroughly to make sure you aren't repeating yourself. There are phrases and words you use too often very close together ("relates two ideas" x 3), and you can make your sentences more dynamic by expanding them. More commas less periods. As well, I think you have to focus on plurals, especially with countables and uncountables. Homework, for example, is already plural.
In any case, these are minor things you can master by performing rewrites and revisions. Ask friends and teachers to help, and learn by correcting. Try to reach the minimum word count, as this is too short.
See you in class:)