2012년 6월 2일 토요일

3rd revision of my photo essay-no grammar error


          

          It has been more than one year since I entered this school, KMLA. As I attend this school, many things happen to me; sometimes awkward thing, sometimes happy things, or sometimes funny things. As I experience these moments, I recognize “friends” are the most important and valuable things in my life. Friends make me happy and experience and fun, and help me when I am depressed or having hard days. Because I know that friends are the most valuable treasure in my life, there are lots of photos taken with my friends in my computer. My photo essay will be about my friends in KMLA.
          It was December 14th 2011, after the final exam of the 2nd semester in KMLA. We—Park Kee Ryun, Koo Han Gyeol, Hwang Soo Shin and me—went to Kyeong Po. We just planned to go there without a specific schedule.
           Spending time with something, we found a big snowman which was really well made. We didn’t have time to make a new and big snowman, because we had to eat dinner. So we just took this picture with the made snowman. I put my camera on a big and wide stick, and set the time for 5 seconds. Then we gathered together around the snowman and took that picture. Although we didn’t make this snowman, this photo shows the feelings and the scenes that we experienced at that time.
           This photo is a symbol of friendship. To take this photo, after the final exams, we went to Kyeong Po beach and played and talked together. Although there is nothing that shows the process before taking this picture, it shows that all four people are closely related, harmonious and well-fit together.
           As well, this photo contains the feeling of being “refreshed.” After the hard time (the final exam), we refreshed our minds and waited for the new start. I reviewed my life in KMLA as a freshman, and thought about my problems. And I knew that past things couldn’t be revised, so I did not regret that I did wrong. I just thought to change my behavior, and hoped not to repeat the same problems. As I took pictures with my friends, I reorganized my mind and promised myself to have a new life in KMLA.
           “Freedom” is one of the important values that is implied in this photo. Life in KMLA is really harsh. Students are in an environment where they should compete with each other without leisure time to feel freedom and relaxation due to lots of assignments. But when I played with my friends, it was really happy because I could fee freedom. No competitors or harsh environment, but simply friends and an open scene.
           It is so nice to reminisce about the happiest day during my KMLA life. This photo helps me to recharge when I am so tired of my life as a student. As I look at this photo, I think about that day for an hour and crave for the future peaceful and happy days.

P.S. Friends are really important in my life.

댓글 1개:

  1. Much better - but not perfect.:) Still some sloppy stuff you overlook. Even some really obvious spelling errors - such as feel spelled "fee." I hope you revise in MS Word so that stuff shows up.

    Your participation score will go up by completing these rewrites. Good work.

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