Narrative-3rd perspective
The last game of the World Series 2014 is heading toward an end, the 12th inning. The Saint Louis Cardinals is winning a game by achieving three points, and the New York Yankees earning two points. The New York Yankee is on the offense side, and the Saint Louis Cardinals is on the defense side. Victor Manuel Cartel, a winner of “closer of the year” in last year, is heading toward the mound with loud claps from his fans. He gets 5 balls to throw on the mound. “Look at that ball, it records 102 mph”
Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh
“Can you hear the sound of the fans screaming? This stadium is full of shouting and yelling”
Now a judge declares play ball, and the batter, Brett Gardner, is entering batter’s box.
Victor Manuel Cartel easily makes one out count by a flying ball, and he also easily makes second out count by a strike out. So, the only one out count is left for Saint Cardinals to win this game. And everyone in the stadium is screaming out one name “VICTOR MANUEL CARTEL.”
Cartel! Cartel! Cartel!
A 3rd batter from Yankee side, Robinson Cano, hit a ball after a tight match with Victor Manuel Cartel.
“Two outs and one runner in a 1st base, we see the hope”
“The baseball game really starts at 9th inning with 2 outs”
“Who is a next batter?”
Yankees’ fans are full of madness after this hit.
Finally, a batter stands on the batter’s box surrounded by a name “Victor Manuel Cartel.” It’s a Derek Jeter. Now Yankees’ fans are screaming “homerun” as Derek Jeter comes out.
Homerun! Homerun! Homerun!
Now a battle of the century is going to begin.
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Victor Manuel Cartel-1st perspective
I made two outs. Although other people think I easily made two outs, I don’t think so, it wasn’t easy. First out that I made was by fly ball, and that ball almost went back the wall. It was very lucky that wind helped me to resist ball from going back to the wall. If there was no wind, I think that ball would be homerun. Also, it was a hard process to make a second out. To make a strike out, I and the second batter went to full count. This means that some batters in Yankees won’t be fooled by my breaking balls.
But, I only need one more out to end this game. If I end this game, I can be a hero. Then, I can raise my annual income and I can be a super star. I want to win this game as fast as I can.
Oh, I can hear my fans shouting my name.
Cartel! Cartel! Cartel!
What a nice sound to hear!
But I can hear disturbing phrase: homerun.
Homerun Jeter! Homerun! You can do it.
Homerun? Do these Yankees’ fans think I will give a homerun? Who am I? I am a Victor Manuel Cartel who won “closer of year” last year. No, no I shouldn’t think about those disturbing words, I should only think about this game, a winning game. Let’s just throw a ball. But, that shouting really disturbs me.
…………Oh $hit?! That ball slipped down from my finger. Oh no!
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Derek Jeter-2nd perspective
It’s the last chance for Yankee to win this game. I am the hope of the Yankee. If I am out, my team can’t play anymore, we lose.
Homerun! Homerun! Homerun!
What? Are these guys mad? Do they think I can hit a homerun from a Cartel? I can’t hold this suppression. Everybody is watching me.
Cartel! Cartel! Cartel!
So disturbing noise. Can Cardinals’ fans shut their mouse up? Why they are so noisy? I can’t concentrate on the pitcher.
Okay. Relax. Let’s think that I and Cartel is only on the stadium. He is going to throw a ball and my mission to hit his ball. That’s all I need to do. Do not think of homerun!
Uh? The ball is coming toward the center of the strike zone.
Kkkkkkangggggggg
Homerun or foul?
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Narrator-3rd perspective
Derek Jeter hit the ball and it’s going far far behind.
IT’S A HOMERUN. HOMERUN.
Derek Jeter made it. He is a hero of Yankees. He made Yankee to win the World Series.
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Victor Manuel Cartel-1st perspective
Kkkkkangggggggg
Is it homerun?
Really is it homerun?
Do I lose the game?
Something came out from my eyes. And I can’t hear the sound. It feels that I am alone on the mound. I have no power to assist my body.
Oh no.. my dream.. is gone.
Good to see you made lots of changes. We will take a look in class. This looks much easier to interpret. Always remember: the first goal of all writing is to first make sense clearly. The second goal is to convince. You can't do the second thing unless you achieve the first one. Good changes.
답글삭제Awwww ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ
답글삭제I like how you chose baseball as your topic; it's a three-perspective stories and the two teams already in and of itself offer definite points of view.